pAsSioN Is DeSiRe..

2006-10-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

Leaving them behind for 4 months is indeed a tough decision for me. Leaving them under the guidance of Rebecca, only manage to lift off the anxiety and worries a bit. Yes, i truely know myself that during these 4 months, they will definitely grow under the guidance of my good friend and they will benefit in a way or so.

Two different coaching style, she is definitely more patient than me. And her style of introducing them the court tactics will be much better than me as i'm a defender, while she herself is a attacker. So in a view of a attacker, her attacking court work will be much stronger than me. Hopefully, my girls are able to put in use in whatever things that she will be teaching them and of course it would ne good if they are able to adapt and combine two different styles.

I'm already starting to miss them.. my baobei, chao qun. A pri 3 kid playing like a pri 4 or even like a pri 5. She is indeed special to me and of course to the team as well.

The next time i'll be seeing them will be on the Nov 11. Can't wait to see them manz!! And of course i miss my ES girls as well.. heard that they have good results ands i'm really glad that they are able to manage their studies and sports at the same time. Well Done Gals!!

To: Es netballers,

Training for next year zonal gonna start soon. Train hard, work together, and remember never give up on yourself and on your team. I'll definitely be there for your matches!!
Hope to see you gals soon!! Everything is possible if you try!!

rushing off for lectures..

2006-10-04T22:31:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid that i'm not patient enough.. As wat she has said, i have to level down my standard to play with them and also be extra extra patient.. I'm really not doing well as a shooter, seriously not good at all. And I miss playing back my position as a GK.
Yes indeed, i felt being betrayed. I trusted them that their committment level is on par with me, but sad to say i was wrong.. very very wrong!!!
No mood now to do anything as that knock really hurts and my head is still spinning! i dun even know how i get home.. luckily got wenjun to talk to me.. thanks!!

2006-09-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

Scenes of that last match kept flashing through my mind. It definitely still hurts.

2006-09-10T19:02:00.000-07:00

"What is the purpose of us living in this humanity?" Anyone ponders about this question before. Seriously i have not until someone mention it today. My friend told me that her purpose of life is to pursue her dreams, to enjoy life. Another friend of mine told me that her purpose of life to to have a great relationship, have a guy who loves her whole-heartedlyand vice-versa, have kids who will surround her for the rest of her life. Isn't their life so simple, i really do envy them, they know what they want in life. But all these things that they've said, it's so simple but it looks so far and it's hard to acheive. And maybe individuals have different wants and needs. What do i really need? What do i really want? And most importantly what is my dream? My life is full of question marks, they are all locked up.

I'm still pondering.....

2006-09-04T23:52:00.000-07:00

I will never forget today, or should i say things that have happened do not allow me to forget. After the whole thing, suddenly this sentence appeared in my mind; ' it's just a game!'. But at point of time, i couldn't let go! Yes, i cannot accept the fact that we lost, but the result has proven the fact. She said abt this happening before, but i ignored it.
This is a painful lesson that i learnt.

Please don't feel guilty about being injured as i'm equally guilty as well. For losing control of myself at that point of time. I meant what i've said, if you are able to go, then i'll go!! For the rest of you who are selected, please don't put pressure on me. Look in another angle, if i'm not particpating, this is a great chance for you people out there to play.

Feel like soaking myself in a drum filled with beer.. Don't let me be any sober as now!! Because the outcome is still hurtful and painful.. Yes i agree that i'm weak, not strong enough as wat you have think. I need time to remove all these happenings out of my mind.

2006-09-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

2 more days left, seriously i have zero confidence abt winning or defending the championship. Last training and we still don't have the 25 of them turning up for it. How to have confidence you tell me. Haiz!!

Happy Teachers' Day to all teachers that have taught me and helped me greatly. Special thanks to Mdm Anne Cheng, Miss Jacelyn Loh, Ms Lee and not forgetting Mr David Lim. I know i have brought a lot of trouble to you all this time round, and despite all these you are still there to help me and guide me along. This is a promise that i made to you all and to myself, i will not disappoint you all and the effort that you all have to put in. Thanks a million!!

Return to ES yesterday, was supposed to help Mr Teo with the finals for the captain's ball for the lower sec but the weather was a spoiler. No choice the games were suspended!! The sec 1s was having hip-hop dance, i was with mr teo looking at the students who were punished for not bringing their PE attire as they were told to bring. After the dance session has ended, vivian tan and some of the sec 1s saw me, they came over and ask why am i here today and asked why i didn't turned up on wednesday. I explained to them and told them that i will talk to them later as they have to go back to class for their lesson.

I'm touched as i have not trained them for quite sometimes and they are concerned about me and happy to see me.. Especially that vivian tan and angela.

I left after meeting Mrs Jane Tay, apologised to her for not turning up for the choral concert on Wednesday. She's looking forward to see me but in the end i did not turned up. Well but i got to see her yesterday. She is leaving after this year, she is transferring to Saint Anthony. Haiz, another good teacher is leaving this school, mr goh is retiring this year as well. Haiz!! I think next year when i go back the only teachers left will be Mr Lance Teo and Mdm Teo aka Auntie Teo le.. no more teachers left for me to visit!!

Time really flies.. it's been 4 years since i left East Spring. People moved on with their lives but where am i, still lost between time? I still have no answer to it.....

2006-08-28T23:56:00.000-07:00

What the shit man!! Is she in the right frame of mind? Just walk out of the court without informing the coach that her ankle couldn't take it and needed a substitution.. This is the worse attitude i expected from her. No sense of responsibility at all.. Zero.. This applies to the U NOE WHO.. Didn't turned up because of Asthma attack.. WTF..Sometimes, its really that action that pissed me off.. Cannot imagine that i have such players on court playing with me!!

Coach say my play is SO-SO only, she really expects more from me and yet NOW i have not able to reach that expectation, this is so disheartening.. But at least i'm not so confused now as on Wednesday. Coach says that i must be extra extra patient, yeah i'm a very impatient player i absolutely agree with her. I realised it only till now.. Jia you bah, one more session and we are off on our own!!

Good Night, have to sleep early from now. Promise Ms Jacelyn Loh that i will pulled myself off my bed to attend her lesson at 8am.. Hopefully i'm able to wake up!! Jia you!!

2006-08-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

Haix.. Adda is injured. Who will be my partner then, this is a question i really wanted to find out. It's so saddening when my partners or even the attacking side kept changing players. The chances of us winning the championship this year is already very slim, now it's even worse. My GA is injured, ligament tear. Haix, it's my fault la.. shouldn't have passed the ball to her. Just not the cut to be a GS. That day was so sucky when Adda is out, i suddenly felt so confused playing GA, without Adda playing GA, i'm like a lost sheep in the herd. This is the first time of my entire netball life, i felt so useless on court. Suddenly, i don't know what to do at all. True, it's very demoralising when the coach expected more from you than the rest of the team as you are more experienced than them, and yet you are not able to do it. I don't know am i ready to take the court or not now, still searching for that answer in me.

This happened on the same day as well. At that point in time i really feel like walking out of the court and out of that place. 6 of us are fighting hard and we have 1 joker who chose to give up and even showed a hack-care attitude. This is the thing that i couldn't tolerate regardless whether am i a player myself or even i see my own gals playing on court. 'You should never never give up on court.' - this is what Mr Teo always say right from the start when we are training under him. And this should be the fighting spirit that we should have in us when we are playing, not giving up just like that. When Daphne talked to us on that day after training, she said 'the beauty of team game is the teamwork and team spirit that enhance the game.' I agree as i have been through this before regardless with Spitfire or Live Wire. But at that point in time, i seriously don't see it in this current team. And now i'm questioning myself, why am i fight for this team,is it worth playing with them again, am i able to work with a person who gives up so easily?

Accompany her to that thingy, damn shag after the whole thing. Overslept on the bus 38 and ended up walking home just to keep me awake and in case i fell asleep again. We will know the result tomorrow, jia you bah!!
Adda, get well soon kkaes though it's just 2 more weeks away but still i hope that ultimately my partner can still be you.

Anyway, happy birthday to you Tong wei.. And also Ivy Hoe which is tmr..
Nitez all..

2006-08-18T03:39:00.000-07:00

Been sick for the whole week, coughing, sore throat. Haiz.. guess it will affect my vocal greatly this time round.. met up with Celeste and Mary yesterday night, wow time really flies. I'm glad that Mary's current boyfriend very caring and sweet to her. Gal, wish you all the best with your guy, can see that he's very good to you!!
Celeste, we shall go out soon kkaes..

it's getting late and i'm meeting my brother for breakfast tmr morning.. 5 more hrs i can meet my brother liao le..
Oppz.. jesline asked me to sleep early but looking at the time haiz.. hahaa i guess i have to sleep early for the next two days in order for me to recover just in time for the carnival on Sunday.. Haiz.. Wish me Luck kkaes.. hopefully i can get better before Sunday..

And Sze Ying, congratulation!! Your Dream did come true now.. I will go down on Sat unless you wake me up lol.. If not.. hahaa.. i'll be sleeping soundly in my bed le.. See how kkaes.. I'm happy for you, thanks for sharing the news with me.. i think when you tell YY, she will also be very happy for you de.. so i'll see you on the 24th August then..

One last thing, Happy 19th Birthday to Wong YunRu..
Nitez.. dozing off...

2006-08-12T07:07:00.000-07:00

history is repeating itself again.. anything i do doesn't seems right to him. I felt so suffocating stay in the hse with him. Sorry bro for making your book out day so sucky. will pen down what happened today, will have to leave the hse before i suffocate to death..

2006-08-07T01:12:00.000-07:00

Yu Min Primary School Netball Girls, never will i imagine myself coaching a Primary School team. I used to think that coaching primary school team is a extremely difficult task as compared to coaching a Secondary school team. I realized that coaching two different level of players is very different and also the satisfaction level is also very different. I fell in love coaching Primary School girls.

Yes, even though they are not physically developed but their innocent and pure heart have touched me. The feeling is so different coaching them. I must say i'm very lucky to have this bunch of girls. They affected my mood my emotions greatly.

Chao Qun and Pei Xuan, Mr Yeo always call them the talkertives ones. Chao Qun, she never fails to make me laugh with her words , her actions and her drama expressions. Pei Xuan, never fails to make me ask her to keep quiet everytime. Gina, my all time favorite secretary, she is a great helper to me and Mr Yeo. My three Captain and vice-captains, Shan Hui , Ann and Jamie. Shan Hui, she is the first one to give me problem since the first training, and also her studies i'm so damn worried for her. She made a promised that she will pass all her subjects this coming CA2. Ann, a very understanding and matured girl, has very strong competitive mind-set. Jamie, a sweet, lovely girl who never fails to smile at the end of the day even though i scolded her before then.
Mindy, i'm quite surprised with this girl. She never fails to bring my surprises and new discovery of her every training.